Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
