i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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