the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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