Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
