the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
