My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
