well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
