i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
