It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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