im drinking this country out of the recession.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
