Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
