i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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