Christians are straight up FREAKS
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
