Banned from zoo.
Again?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
