i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
