Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
