I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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