Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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