I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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