Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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