Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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