jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
