After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
