I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
