Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
