i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
