I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
