i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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