So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize