Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
