guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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