I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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