I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
