You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
