i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
