i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
