i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
