hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize