just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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