This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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