i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
