If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
