I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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