Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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