I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
