Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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