he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
