No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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