the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
