if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
