i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
