I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
