I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
not ubering you a puppy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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