imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
