Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this will be a night to untag.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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