Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
