her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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