please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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