goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
