both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
