Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
