the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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