At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
