Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
