Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
